dreams, reality and loneliness

dreams-
I had a dream about my Mom the night before last.
In it, I knew when I was talking to her she wouldn't be alive soon, even though I tried to warn her..
Then I woke up.
*sighs, cuz I can't shake it*
Don't believe them when they say time heals..
it's a bunch of bull doo doo.
reality-
I'm closer to losing my home now, more than ever before... after proudy owning it for 8 years..
Going through the BK procedure tonight, I found my mortgage company changed my fixed to an adjustable in Jan. 09 and
will keep raising it every 6 months from 6.87 to no higher than 12.87500%.
How can they do that? I didn't even know it cuz I haven't paid the 6.87 since Jan..
And my BK attorney says Obama hasn't passed the law yet for homeowners.
*unsettling*
Loneiless-
My oldest with my 2 grandkids have been staying with me since November, along with my 14 year old...
I always was one for enjoying my solitude, but no one's been home all day and I've been feeling
lonely.
I was so excited *inside* cuz they just came home, but she told me she was moving in with her boyfriend and they were staying at his house tonight..
I guess that's good.?.
*pours a glass of wine and kisses the kids good bye*
I mean, only a few minutes earlier I realized I may not have a home.
*sips wine*
So I guess I can rent a small place.

And my very very best friend... He's not answering his phone.
*heart aches silently as each moment passes*
I'm still hoping, but ..
It's like my Mom's dream, even though I smiled at her and hoped for the best,
that sad feeling of doom filled the air and she was gone when I woke..
*sorrow*
I don't feel like a tough girl right now...
maybe tomorrow.......